strengthening my core

the beginning of January there was this meme in the internet world that I travel. It was, instead of making resolutions, choose a word to guide your year. Choose a single word that sums up your hopes and aspirations. I liked the idea; I like words. I chose my word and held it close. I didn't tell anyone and I didn't write about it here. I've held this word in my mind and written it on the top of the page and sometimes it forms in my mind at the most unexpected moments. It's been helpful, and now that this word has knocked around in my head for couple of months, I feel ready to offer it up.

I have to confess that a large part of my reticence to writing about this, is related to my disdain of all things self-helpy. I am usually of the opinion that I don't need any help. So I'm a little embarrassed about this, it's maybe not the image I have of myself.  But in the spirit of my word... Open, my word is open. Open-hearted. Open minded. Open to the possibility. Open handed. Open. I am kind of closed by nature, so this has been difficult at times (like right now). But it's also been great. I feel a little less tightly wound and it's a good feeling.

So in this new spirit of openness, I joined the gym yesterday. I hate the gym. I hate the idea of the gym. That's why I run. But I have kind of hit the wall in my running. I run, but I'm not strong. I can't get faster. And I've known for awhile that I needed to do something about this because I want to be faster. This surprises me. It seems to me that I should be happy plodding along as I do. But I really want to be fast. I crave it. I daydream about it. So I joined the gym and bought an exercise ball so I can strengthen my core. I feel alternately ridiculous and pleased about this. Oh, and also sore in new places...

open to the pain (it looks so harmless, like a bubble..)